$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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