At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just pee around me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize