I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
