dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
