my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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