I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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