Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
