I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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