i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
