I'm pants shitting drunk right now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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