yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
