she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
