is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
