Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
