I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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