OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
