At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
