There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
