i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
