alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
