I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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