You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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