I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
