no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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