I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
