so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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