don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize