I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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