I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
