so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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