If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
