Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
