Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
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She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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