my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
