im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We got so high we made milksteak
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
