so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
