i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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