i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
