the day after is always just damage control
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
