i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize