what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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