You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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