Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
