so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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