Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
