you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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