i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
