I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
