i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize