I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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