guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
