The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
