OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
