Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
