At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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