did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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