Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Too much gin, very little bucket
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
