and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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