i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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