i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
