Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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