the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
