Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
