I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
