I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
