my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
