I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
